What is depression..??

What is depression really?

Is there one concrete definition,

or has the meaning loosened as our generation has continued it's downhill descent? To me, depression is simply my life.

I'm not suicidal. I'm not a cutter.

I don't hate the world.

I don't dress completely in black.

I'm just sad.

I've been sad for what feels like my entire life,

but that's not true.

I was happy once and I can vaguely remember what it felt like,

but I can't touch it. I can't get that happiness back,

I don't know how. That's what depression is to me,

knowing what happiness is,

but never being able to touch it,

to feel it.

Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek,

I run away and hide from it.

But now,

everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me.

And I don't know what to do.

I just know that pain I felt so long ago,

it's hurting ten time more.

Everyone sees who I appear to be

but only a few know the real me,

They only see what I choose to show there's

so much behind my smile they just don't know.

I always be by your side..

I don't have the words to make you feel better,

but I do have the arms to hug you,

I have the ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about,

and I have a heart thats aching to see you smile again.

Why I love you..??

Why I love you is a hard question to answer.

I love you because you care for me like no one else I know.

I love the way I feel in your arms, so safe from dangers in the world.

I love your eyes,

so hypnotic and mesmerizing,

beautiful to gaze into, and yet never revealing everything to me.

I can explain every way that I love you

because thats in possible.

But I can say I love you because you are you.

Pain

I wish I really can tell you how I really feel about you

My feelings toward you..
I really want to tell you that I love you..

But

I'm afraid.. I'm afraid being rejected..

I'm afraid you won't accept me,,

and then everything change

We won't be close to each other like before..

I'm afraid you won't talk to me anymore..

I'm afraid you gonna ignore me..

Every time I see you..

I wish that I can tell you that I love you..

This feeling killing me softly..

Sometimes I feel like there's no hope for me to be with you..

Sometimes I feel like want to give up..

It's hurt so much..

Someone Special..

I want someone to share my secrets with,

someone to talk to late at night when I can't sleep,

someone who feels comfortable around my family,

someone to comfort me when I'm scared,

to hold me when I'm sad,

someone who doesn't need to say that she loves me for me to know its true.

Sometimes..

Sometimes I feel like no one cares.

Sometimes I feel like no one is there.

Sometimes I want to kill myself.

Sometimes I think I need some help.

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone.

Sometimes I'm in an empty zone.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not alive.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm deprived.

Sometimes I think the world should end.

Sometimes I think I have no friends.

Sometimes I want to make them see that,

sometimes I wish I wasn't me...

My song.. - My heart belongs to you..

You,,I want right now,,

You,,I need right now,,

Now my heart beats for you,,

Now my heart belongs to you,,

I wanna be with you,,

Yeah.. I wanna be with you,,

Because I fallin' in love with you

Nothing I can do

I want you

Because I fallin' in love with you

And it's so beautiful

I love you

And yes I do

I love you~

do I look happy..??

This is me.. Do I look happy in this picture..??

Maybe yes maybe not..

But mostly,,people will think I'm happy..

Because I'm smiling..ahahahaha

But if you know me well..

Look into my eyes..

I am smiling but deep inside of me,,

I'm dying..

that's her..

Wait for the man who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the man who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares

and how lucky he is to have you.

The one who turns to his friends and says,

that's her...

Love you..

'I love you' means

that I accept you for the person that you are,

and that I do not wish to change you into someone else.

It means that I will love you

and stand by you even through the worst of times.

It means loving you when you're in a bad mood

or too tired to do things I want to do.

It means loving you when you're down,

not just when you're fun to be with.

I love you means that I know your deepest secrets and

do not judge you for them,

asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine.

It means that I care enough to fight for what we have

and that I love you enough not to let go.

It means thinking of you,

dreaming of you, wanting

and needing you constantly,

hoping you feel the same way for me.

What is my problem..??

Do you want to know what my problem is?

I will tell you what my problem is,

I LOVE YOU

I love your name,

I love the way you look at me,

I love your gorgeous smile,

I love the way you walk,

I love your beautiful eyes,

I love what you look like when you are asleep,

I love the sound of your laugh,

to hear your voice fills my entire heart with an indescribable feeling.

I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life

and seeing you completely changes my mood.

I love how when you touch me I get weak

that is my problem...

I'll be there for you..

When it seems like there's no one left to run to in this empty world

you can come to me I'll be your shooting star.

You can tell me your dreams I can't promise to make them come true,

but I'll be there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart

if your dreams happen to fall through.

You..

To be honest I like You..

NO

I love You.. Yes,,I do..

I love you since we get closer to each other..

NO

I became closer to because I love You..

I love You and I need you by my side

Not because I'm lonely

But

Because I'm ready..

I'm ready to make a new life

A new story of my life with someone like You

I would to give a chance for my heart to fall in love again..

Fall in love with someone like You

road to nowhere

Tired and lonely still we stand,

On a road to nowhere.

Trapped in a world of endless days, my engine's stalling.

Body and mind are breaking down,

On a road to nowhere.

Destiny silent, hear no sound, as I wait forever.

Feelings that filled me left me cold

On this road to nowhere

Dreams are my saviors, save me now,

cause I know I'm fallin'

Candles burn slowly, flames shine so brightly.

Light in the darkness, save me from madness again.

Only the lonely, can possibly know me.

Heat keeps on rising, fire engulfs me again.

Keeps on rising.

Farewell, I miss you

I'm sick of these good byes

Cause it tore us apart, right from the start

I miss you.

I love you and goodbye...

Dearest love,

I hope this message finds you well

as these endless thoughts drip from my soul

every single word secretly paints a fairytale

of when we will melt into one...

eyes forfeit sight to the pain

cold scalpel's steel whispers tear at my very core

as I cling to memories of you

I am so scared...

so scared...

I need you with me

were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you

that in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness

was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

it's me again,

is it me or am I wrong to be concerned?

will the beauty of your pen ever cross my eyes again?

was this all a lie? why?

make it stop,

make this pounding in my head stop

fill my lungs with air, give me one more day to make her dreams come true

she understands right?

that I'm not coming back...

she understands right?

that I'm not coming back...

make it stop,

make the pounding stop

I'm not coming back, I'm not coming back, I'm not coming back...

I don't know what happened...

who would have thought my life would end up like this?

I didn't mean to hurt her,

not hurt her like this...

I can't feel my legs

I can't feel my legs and I can't even cry...

how could somebody die like this?

if my words ever reach you

I'll assume you don't care

never knew that silence could cut so deep

or

that you could twist the blade

now I curse all of your beautiful lies..

I love you and goodbye...

If only you could see

If only you could see

If only you could see your the only girl I've ever dreamed of

Should I apologize to such pathetic eyes

Just the sight of you has made me sick tonight

It was your poison kiss that turned me into this

Then again there is a chance you could be mine tonight

Darling will you please take a walk with me we can count the stars and disappear

I wish you could see your the only girl I've ever dreamed of are you satisfied?

What fate has led me here...

Oh please forgive me dear

I don't know if I could survive on my own

I could have married you instead I buried you

Now I will see if I can fall asleep alone

Are you satisfied?

The nightmares coming true

Are you satisfied?

Girl it's only you

Are you satisfied?

I'm telling you the truth

Are you satisfied?

afraid

"You're not even mine but I'm afraid to lose you"..

It never ends..

Started off as a one night stand. Lingered to a fling.

The sirens and the sergeants didn't seem to mean a thing.

Hide your fangs all you want you still need the blood.

Tell us that its different now,you're up to no good.

Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children that fell

from grace.

Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children

who can’t be saved.

One more nail in the coffin. One more foot in the grave. One

more time I'm on my knees, as I try to walk away. How has it

come to this?

I've said it once. I've said it twice. I’ve said it a thousand fucking times.

That I'm ok, that I'm fine. That it’s all just in my mind.

But

this has got the best of me. And I can’t seem to sleep. It’s not

because you’re not with me. It’s because you never leave. You

say this is suicide? I say this is a war. And I’m losing the

battle. Man down. Is this what you call love?

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day

It never ends..

She...

A year has passed.. One year she went with no news..Without ever contact me.. I don't know what already happen to her..Since she go away,,I'm alone.. I don't know how to say it but I feel so lonely..From outside I'm smilingbut inside I'm dying..Before this I really can't forget her.. She was everything to me..But I have to move on..I have to forget about my past and start a new life..I don't want to waste my time waiting and hoping for the things that never happen..I don't want stuck in my past for too long.. Because I wanna change and make a new story of my life..I want to fall in love..Yes,,I want to fall in love again..But it's not that easy to make someone fall in love for me..Fall in love with the right girl.. With the girl who truly care for me.. And always go to church..Sometimes,,I confused about finding someone special..It's hard and not easy.. And sometimes I also don't know about my feelings..Until now.. I found someone..But I'm not sure if she's the right girl for me.. I don't know if she love me..But what I know is I'm falling in love with her.. I wish I can tell her about my feelings but I'm afraid.. I'm afraid being rejected..I don't know if she already noticed that I fall in love with her..But someday I hope she will know about it and that time..I hope she can accept me as someone special in her heart..And I'll never forget to pray for all of this..I'll surrender everything in HIS hands..

I'm sorry

It's so hard to say that I'm sorry, I'll make everything alright

All these things that I've done now what have I become

And where'd I go wrong

I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first

I won't tell you lies

I will stand accused with my hand on my heart

I'm just trying to say

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say

You mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done

If I could start again

I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets

And you would have the best of me

I know that I can't take back all of the mistakes

But I will try

Although it's not easy, I know you believe me,

'cause I would not lie

Don't believe their lies,

told through jealous eyes,

they don't understand

I won't break your heart

And

I won't bring you down..

I don't want this moment to ever end

I don't want this moment to ever end

Where everything's nothing without you

I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile

'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes

I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know

With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul

I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show

That I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt

Pieces of memories fall to the ground

I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go

'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go

have come to an end

I am more than I was before

I am more than I was before

More than created by stuff that I have,

More than illusion of good and of bad.

More than a miniscule moment ago,

More than my thoughts lined up in a row.

The future holds promise of fortune and fame,

It comes and it goes and seems all the same.

It's not here yet, so all I can do,

Is wait it's arrival, wait and be blue.

The stoplight brings pleasure, but I don't know how,

There seems no ailment, as long as it's now.

This creation continues, it builds then it burns,

The making of ashes spins the world one more turn.

Creating my now one thought at a time,

Not through my memories that may seem sublime.

Though memories seem

happy, there I can't stay,

The pain from the past comes to get in the way.

Moments don't stand, still like a stone,

From future to past they fly through my bones.

In these moments we have yet to see,

We send our thoughts searching, for what we will be.

And within these infinite moments that pass,

Comes endless future like molding hot glass.

Our thoughts heat the furnace, forming the mold,

What form will I take before I grow old?

Pain is the fire, creating the glass,

Now is the mold, bringing truths to pass.

If our thoughts ring forth each moment the same,

Our future and present unchanged will remain.

Don't get stuck in the past

Don't get stuck in the past,

Where you linger on and on in familiarity,

And replay old memories over and over again.

Don't overindulge in the future,

Where you daydream about leading a grand life endlessly,

And imagine the sweetest days you could ever live.

Don't neglect your present,

Where true life begins to unfold and pass you by silently,

And you wonder about missed opportunities and lost moments.

For lessons, quietly contemplate about your past,

And you might realize life has cleverly placed you in situations,

That demanded you to raise up to the challenges and to grow.

To reduce your anxiety and panic attacks, make plans for your future,

And you might see that your dreams and goals are acting like guiding lights,

Shining the path for you to follow through and learning to overcome your fears.

To avoid the state of merely existing, be aware of your present,

And you might notice that you are part of a grander scheme,

Where the past is long gone and the future has yet to come,

And that your present is the most precious moment you could ever feel.

Your past and your future both lie in your present,

Where your present wields the power to influence and change,

The way you think about your past either with gratitude or with regret,

And shape your future to either a success or a failure.

Live totally in the present,

Enjoying each and every moment,

Where it is all happening,

Where it truly matters.

Its the feeling I can't forget..

No matter where I am,,

Or what I am doing..

When you come to my mind a smile comes to my face..

Being in love is wonderful,,I know..

BUT

To love and be loved in return is the greatest feeling ever..

I just can't forget when the first time

I fall in love with you..

Its the feeling I can't forget..

Love love love love love love

Love love love love love love

You were everything I wanted

You were everything a girl could be

Then you left me brokenhearted

Now you don't mean a thing to me

All I wanted was your

Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you

Now that it's over

I don't even know what I liked about you

Brought you around and you just brought me down

Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you

I really don't like you

Thought that everything was perfect (perfect)

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

Thought you thought that I was worth it

Now I think a little differently

All I wanted was your

Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you (I really don't like you)

Now that it's over

I don't even know what I liked about you (liked about you)

Brought you around and you just brought me down

Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you

Now that it's over you can't hurt me

Now that it's over you can't bring me down

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

All I wanted was your

Love love love love love love

(Hate) Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you (I really don't like you)

Now that it's over

I don't even know what I liked about you (liked about you)

Brought you around and you just brought me down

(Hate) Hate is a strong word

But I really, really, really don't like you

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)

I really don't like you

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)

I really don't like you

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)

I really don't like you

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)