Through glass

I'm looking at you through the glass...

Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
Null and void instead of voices
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you.. yeah
And it's the stars
The stars..

If only I can tell her how I truly feel when she asking me how am I..

Did I'm doing fine..??

Well.. I just smile and say of course I'm fine at the same time asking her back what would you think..

But

If only she can look through my eyes and see how much

I'm miss her..

I wish that I can tell her that I'm still waiting for her

Tell her that I'm still in love with her

but

It so sad I couldn't tell her how I feel..

Empty and lonely..

Thats how I feel this past few days..

I don't know why suddenly I got this feelings..

What is happening to me..

Even I can't figured it out why I feel like this..

All I know is I feel empty and lonely..

I hate this feelings.. It make me sad..

Can't wait!

Finally..!!

I've finish my test and midterm exam..

Thank God that I got a good result for my math test and healthcare midterm..

Now only final left..

Final will be on 19 and 21 December..

I can't wait for final..!!

Fall in love with someone is easy

but

Forgetting someone you love,

Its the hardest thing to do..

Back to 22nd December

I never thought its December already..

Feels like time is moving so fast..

Hmm.. Never thought I'm gonna face this old memories again..

Still,,I cant forget that date.. 22 December 2008,,is the date that she agree to be someone special in my life..

Damn.. That was 3 years ago..

Since that day,,everything was so beautiful for me.. I don't care to spend so much money to reload my credit just to call her when she's at her hometown..

Well,,she's not Malaysian or Sarawakian..:)

I was so happy back then..

Until

I'm the one who screwed up our relationship..

If I didn't messed up that time maybe me and she still together right now..

All because of me..

I don't blame her for leaving me,,besides she's already hold on for a long time and think that I'll change my attitude..

But I'm the one who never change.. I promise her that I'll change but I didn't do it and I not keeping my promise towards her..

She already give twice chance for me change my attitude but I take it for granted..

Then she give up and go away leaving me behind..

No matter how many times I'm begging her to give me another chance,,everything is too late..

Even though that time I'm really wanna change,,I can't earn her trust anymore..

All because I didn't keep my promise to her..

Since she go,,it's really hard for me to forget her and just move on..

I don't know how long I take time just to move on..

I was so sad and broken heart that time.. Its so hurt..

Totally hurt..

Then,,even though I can't forget her.. I tried to move on and start a new beginning..

I know all the memories between me and her still clear in my head..

But I'll keep it as a lesson so that I didn't do the same mistake again if I already find someone..

(*still single..hahahaha;p)

I admit that sometimes I miss her but let past be the past..

Move forward and I'm sure one day I'll find someone that God already prepared for me..

Because I know when God takes something off from us,,its sure He leaving us empty handed to receive something better..:)

Hello December

Tired..........

I'm tired being sad

I'm tired being hurt

I'm tired of crying

I'm tired of trying

I'm tired being broken

I'm tired of rejected

I'm tired of this things..

Instead of being tired by all of this, Why can I just live my life, smile, enjoy every moment with my family and friends and don't give a damn at all about others..

Just enjoy this life..

Don't worry too much about your partner..

I know God already prepared someone that worth enough for you..

Trust in Him and He will provide everything for you

Sinking, falling in too deep and I regret it
I don't know is all we have left to say
How do we pick ourselves up now if the clouds bring the rain before we evaporate
I'll never be able to say
I love you
And all you do and all you say washes away with rain
And all you thought would never change
Washes away, it'll never be the same
'Cause all I see is and all I feel
Takes me away
Wish I could love you and I don't regret the rain
And now that I'm sinking
I will just say goodbye

I don't care if I were meant to be single for this time.........

It's because I know He must have prepared someone special

for me..

I know I've done mistakes before in all my relationship..

And I don't wanna make the same mistake again..

I don't want "Banana Fruits Two Time"..hahahahaha

Even though I fall in love in someone,,I don't want to rush in...

I'll just pray and wait the answer whether she's the one for me or not..

Yes,,No or Wait..

I don't want to hurt or hurting anyone feeling again..

Enough is enough for me..

So I don't care if I gonna be single even though sometimes I'm feel lonely..

I still can smile..

Goodbye

You seem so disappointed within,
this act of yours is just a sin.
You know it’s so easy to tell you, “abuse it.”
Don’t tell me you’re useless…
They told me your happy now.

I can’t keep holding you up.
I’m overcome by the weight of the mud.
Drying up around you.
You know ill never forget you.

I can’t keep holding you up.
Tell me if you ever stop.

I’ll never forget you, oh no.
I’ll never forget you.

Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Find somebody who cares.
I’ll open the window so you walk in.
Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Lets hope somebody cares.
You’ll see that nobody’s watching.

Tell me like you wanted to change.
Tell me why you’re so nervous to say
what you’re really thinking.
The feeling of sinking is setting in.
You’re used to being so much happier.

I can’t keep holding you up.
I’m overcome by the weight of the mud.
Drying up around you.
You know ill never forget you.

I can’t keep holding you up.
Tell me if you ever stop.

I’ll never forget you, oh no.
I’ll never forget you.

Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Find somebody who cares.
I’ll open the window so you walk in.
Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Lets hope somebody cares.
You’ll see that nobody’s watching.

You can’t turn away.
Make up your face and get high.
Make up your face and get high again.
You can’t turn away.
Make up your face and get high.
Make up your face and get high again.

‘Cause when you sign your deal,
you’re as good as dead.

Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Find somebody who cares.
I’ll open the window so you walk in.
Say goodbye. It’s all you wanted.
Lets hope somebody cares.
You’ll see that nobody’s watching

Why did I always post a song lyrics..??

It's because when I got nothing to say and speechless..

Music is the only one that can describe my feelings..

All the lyrics that I've post in my blog is the only way can describe

how I feel..

Sometimes I don't know what to write it because there's are many things going through

my mind..

It's all over now....

Leave, go on and leave, you said
Turn and walk away
Life’s not worth it anymore
You stopped shaking and you slowly faded away
Now you’re lying on the floor

I can’t hear your heart beating anymore, no
I can’t hear your heart beating anymore, no

It’s all over now
What am I gonna do with all this time I set aside for you (aside for you)
I won’t be needed now
To pick up the phone and call you
Like I’m supposed to know
You were all alone

Gone, memories gone
I know I was the one
Who was ignoring you for way too long
I hope while sleeping
I know that if you’re finding solid ground
You’ll know everything is, everything is sound

I can’t hear your heart beating anymore, now (everything is sound)
I can’t hear your heart beating anymore, now

It’s all over now
What am I gonna do with all this time I set aside for you (aside for you)
I won’t be needed now
To pick up the phone and call you
Like I’m supposed to know
You were all alone

Over now, over now
Maybe someday I can meet you there

It’s all over now
What am I gonna do
What am I gonna do

It’s all over now
What am I gonna do with all this time I set aside for you
I won’t be needed now
To pick up the phone and call you
Like I’m supposed to know
No I won’t be needed now
To pick up the phone and call you
Like I’m supposed to know
You were all alone

I knew I never deserved you
I just felt so high in size
I move along, I shuffled in place then
Back hand and you’re pulling me in
Will I ever find anyone
Who makes me feel like I’ve been lost somewhere
Now it’s morning, it’s over, now it’s over

Am I right where I need to be
Or is this another distraction
Is this how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go
Is there a change you need to see
Or is this another disaster
Tell me how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go

No this is never what I wanted
Never what I thought I’d signed up for
And I keep moving away
To the edge then I’ll decide whether to jump or stay asleep
Sometimes the leap of faith is all we have
Why won’t you tell me

Am I right where I need to be
Or is this another distraction
Is this how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go
Is there a change you need to see
Or is this another disaster
Tell me how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go

Why won’t you wake up
Wake up, nobody’s sleeping anymore
And I’ve had enough of the ground
Made my escape, fell in love with the sound
And I’ll pound my fist till you wake up
So why aren’t you waking up

And the sun is coming
And the sun is coming out
I can’t hide here anymore, no
The sun is coming out

Am I right where I need to be
Or is this another distraction
Is this how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go
Is there a change you need to see
Or is this another disaster
Tell me how I’m supposed to feel
I’ve been trying to let go

Why don’t you wake up

Stay bright little fireflies..

You look like you’re letting go
I know that you won’t call on me
You look like you’re letting go
I know what my instincts are telling me
And you’re fading out
It’s so hard without you
This wasn’t my fault

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me

Sometimes it feels like home
So safe in the shade
But when the summer fades
There’s always something missing
And now that I’m on my own
I know why you just
Just couldn’t stop
And why you had to leave
It’s so hard, without you
This wasn’t my fault

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me

I never imagined I would feel so lost
I never imagined it would be so hard
I never imagined I would feel so lost
I never imagined this would be so hard

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you

It's been a while

I didn't post anything in my blog..

Kinda busy lately.. Some more I preparing to start my study this October..

Can't wait for this monday..

Wish me all the best..:)

All I want is for you to remember me.

You told me that it wasn't personal.

I traded everything for this and now it's gone.

Where is this coming from?

Once more you're recovering from all the things you've... done.

I'm strong enough to breathe the air into my lungs.

I saw this coming, maybe this is... right.

All I want is for you to remember me.

Not sure I've done enough.

In the end this is only a melody.

I guess that I will just try my best to sleep and I'll wake up wondering,

If anyone knows what is wrong, with what I have become?

I'm strong enough to breathe the air into my lungs.

I saw this coming, maybe this is... right!

Feels like forever since we laid down,

I never imagined you to be the to make me feel like I've been falling through

And maybe you just need some time,

Or maybe it's to late.

I realize that I was only pushing you away

I'm begging, I'm begging you.

I'm begging, I'm begging you.

If anyone knows what is wrong, with what I have become?

Always.............

Time goes by and God knows I try to carry on with life..

Decide not to hide this feelings inside,,

even though they hurt

Sometimes,,I forget to remember you..

It's easy to lock away the pains,,don't want to relive it through..

But I stay strong,,You taught me how to move on in this world..

Now I know what it means to live for someone else..

To give up Yourself

Things have changed,,at times it gets kind of strange..

But Your love remains the same..

Whatever is good in me is because You showed me how to take love by the hand..

From where you are cover..

Finally..!! I've done cover 1 song..!!hehehe

But still thinking to cover another song even though it's not easy..

Have to play it again and again to make it perfect..

But this song it's not really perfect but I hope you all enjoy it..;)

Jiwang mode : ON!

Ku takkan pernah tertawa..

Ku takkan pernah bahagia

Ku takkan pernah merasakannya bila kau tak disini

Ku takkan pernah tertawa...

Ku takkan pernah sempurna

Ku takkan pernah merasakannya bila kau tak disini

Izinkan aku,,berlutut mengharap

Kau 'tuk' kembali

Peluklah diri ku dan jangan kau lepas kanku

Dan jangan kau lepaskan ku dari mu..

You know you can't give me what I need..

And even though you mean so much to me,,

I can't wait through everything..

Is this really happening..??

I swear I'll never be happy again....

And don't you dare say we just be friends.

I'm not some boy that you can sway..

We knew it'd happen eventually............

SCREAM OUT LOUD..!!

Wondering what happen to me..??

Well.. Here's,,let me tell you what happen..

Today I'm so freaking boring and I don't know what to do..

I'm just to boring sitting in front laptop and online 24 hours..

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihh..

SO... I take my phone,,connect it to laptop,,go to music folder.. Click on Bring Me The Horizon album..

I press play and put the volume on high level..

Then I feel the song,, banging my head with camera on stand by mode and SCREAM OUT LOUD..!!! Yeahhhhhhhhh...!!\m/

I can't get you out of my mind,

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you...

how good you look when you smile, how much I love your laugh...

I day-dream about you off and on,

replaying pieces of our conversation, laughing at funny things that you said or did...

I've memorized your face and the way that you look at me...

I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine...

I wonder what will happen the next time we are together, I know one thing for sure, your the best thing that ever happened to me

Love............................

From where you are....

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

BROKEN

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will, I'll be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

No more playing around..!!

I don't know what am I doing actually..

I'm confused with decision that I take..

Should I or shouldn't I..

But if this another chance for me,,

I will use this chance wisely.. I won't make the same mistakes and

let the people around me down again..

This time I'm gonna do my best.. Stop playing around..

Don't wanna wasting my time like I used to..

I don't want them to be disappointed again..

Trip to Paya Pelong on 16/7/11

It's was an amazing trip.. It's takes about 2 or 3 hours to go to that place..

It was a rural place.. We had a really great time over there even though its just for awhile..

Cla is sleeping because tired..hehe

on our way to go back..

on our way to go back..

Me with some other friends doing weird pose..hahaha

hahahaha..This totally looks weird..

photo session

Lunch time..

Pick up some fruits..

Praise and worship.. Sandra as the worship leader..

Brenda,,Awing and Paskal..

Photo session

Lina and Sandra..

Thanks Lord for this enjoyable day with my friends..

This is just our first trip to Paya Pelong.. Just go there to make some side view..

Because there will be a second trip to Paya Pelong and I'm very sure..

It will be more enjoyable than the first trip..

And I won't miss my chance to go there again..;D

As you wish

Life is meaningless without you
Love can be such a beautiful torture
My heart breaks as I long for you
Love can be such lovely torture

I will climb the hills,
draw my sword and take down
Anyone who tries to stand in front of me
Please know I’ll never run away
without you in my arms
One day lovers will dream of this undying kiss
Not of Romeo or Juliet
Stories told of our love will never die

I’ve slain the most unholy things, endured such terrific pain
Finally I’ll feel your caress again
I’ve braved the cold and lonely seas,
I have prevailed against the odds
Then again…

I will climb the hills,
draw my sword and take down
Anyone who tries to stand in front of me
Please know I’ll never run away
without you in my arms
One day lovers will dream of this undying kiss
Not of Romeo or Juliet
Stories told our love will never die

Will you forgive what I’ve done to give you four white horses?

One day lovers will dream of this undying kiss
Not of Romeo or Juliet
Stories told our love will never die

In your life, you meet people..

Some you never think about again..

Some, you wonder what happened to them..

There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you.. A

nd then there are some you wish you never had to think about again..

But you do...

Swing life away....

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?

Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?

Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars,

I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move

The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon

Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know

But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world

We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,

We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand...

.until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first

Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse

Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,We get by just fine here on minimum wage

If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand..

Long run....................

Hurting and pain,,just to prove you can love..

Well.. There must be a lot of pain and hurt..

too bad................

No ones truly in love..

It's just a fake,,

in the long run..

I've

Never felt so sober..

I've never felt the low that I feel tonight ..

Your words made everything drag on, and on..

I finally found her, and when I did I just couldn't make things right

Is this really happening..

Oh God I think I just ruined my life

What the fuck am I doing?

I can't tell the difference from wrong and right..

I second guess my decisions cause I haven't been this person in my whole life..

I think I need something new here when I keep longing for what I had..

No need for second opinions,,I do the best I can to ruin what I have..

I've got nothing left to hide.. I thought this was what you wanted

Someone who gets everything right,,

Someone to put you first in their life..

Just know that it kills me when I hear anything to do with you..

You will see..

Believe me..

I need to be right where you are but know that I'm leaving..

And you won't hear for a year from now..

This kills me 'cause now I think that everything,,

everything was about you..

MAKE ME SICK..!!